Your Life is Your Spiritual path

This is a photo of me doing a ritual for my grandma. This stage is when a shaman negotiates for the ill person's soul. When a shaman leaves their shaman bench and lays on the floor like this, we call it, "ua neeb nqes hiav." In more intense rituals, the shaman must enter the realm of the dead and switch places with the ill's soul. Shamans can do this only through the support of their shaman guides.

I share this to say that I forget sometimes I am a shaman. This is an everyday normal life for me. It's difficult to explain to my employers, friends, and people why I need the weekends for religious reasons. Staff meetings always lead with, "How was yor weekend? What did you do?" And what am I suppose to say? That I went into a shamanic trance and spiritually healed someone who's spirit was lost somewhre in the spirit world? I also think people are not aware of the amount of things Hmong shamans today have to balance. We forget to take care of ourselves because we're so busy taking care of others and trying to heal the sick. We jump between worlds and forget to ground ourselves in something. Sometimes we think we can save everybody, but no one is privileged enough to escape death and dying. Nothing in this world can escape that only known fact. When my grandpa suddenly passed away a few months ago, I thought to myself why as a shaman I wasn't able to prevent it? It was also only after his passing that I put all the spiritual signs together, but at the time it happened I wasn't able to piece the omens. The universe only allows you to go through what you can handle.

Life has been mainly about balancing so many aspects. Mostly, it feels like dangling on the edge and barely able to hold on. I've had to move some parts of my life to the backburner, at least just for right now, in order to prioritize shit like being a doctoral student and working full time in a field where I'm constantly experiencing vicarious trauma. I'm constantly trying to understand myself and how I can help bring change and make a difference. In the process of balancing work, school, relationships, maintaining a home, running a business, and shaman life, I've also experienced loss. This year has felt like I was the one who fell into the realm of the dead, but there hasn't been a saving yet. No one has shown up to save me or pull me out of the depths of dispair. To my surprise, as a shaman, I continue to dig myself out of my own hole just as I did as a child, as a teen, and now as an adult.

To other shamans and healers out there doing this work, take it as it comes. Take the day as it appears to be. Show up how you can, and don't show up when you can't. If you physically, emotionally, and spiritually cannot show up, you just can't. In these moments, there is nothing left to give and if you keep trying, there will be nothing left for you and no one else to help you feed yourself but you. Your life is your spiritual path. Don't be too quick to abandon it for what seems like bigger and better experiences. You are getting exactly the experiences you need to grow. You are getting exactly the experiences the universe has planned for you. And if your growth seems slow or stunted, find it in you to fully embrace the situations and relationships at hand. Find it in you to somehow come to terms with your spiritual journey and what lies ahead.

TFL Hmong Shaman