What a Nightmare...

I found myself outside in my back yard. It must had been during the middle of the night. I heard a scratching noise. I heard branches breaking from the large tree on the sidewalk. I opened the gate and walked slowly to the side walk. The moon was no where to be found. No stars in my gaze. No lights in my surrounding. It was just dark and grey outside, enough for me to still see. I gazed up to the tree and see a large rodent, maybe it was a raccoon, stabbed by the branch and through its stomach. Intestines hanging out and dark cherry blood dripping everywhere. I suddenly see something moving in the tree....It was huge, like 8 - 10 ft tall, crouched over with a huge humpback. It was an 8 - 10 ft poj ntxoog (in English, they are considered goblins), one foot dangling on one branch and its long arm holding another branch. It opened its mouth and took a big bite into the raccoon. I could hear the bones crackling. Then suddenly the poj ntxoog turned its head towards me. It jumped down and was walking like a big ape. Even in its crouching position, it must had been 10 feet tall. It starts to jump and chase towards me. I scream and run back towards my backyard. The poj ntxoog breaks my gate and enters my yard. It starts to stomp the ground beneath us. Pulling and tearing up the grass. Stomping its feet and punching the ground. It was in old raggy Hmong clothes. The white Hmong skirt with a black shirt. Red and green cloth fabric tied around its waist. Moldy green and purple skin. Barefoot. Cracked and bloody lips. I was so scared. I start praying to my shaman spirits. As I do, the poj ntxoog becomes even more agitated and angry and then it grabs hold of me and pulls me in. It makes a scary moaning and groaning sound. It pushes and throws me around like a rag doll. I continue to scream and shout for my shamans to save me. I thought to myself, "I don't want my family to find me ripped into pieces."

Then, I wake up.

People often ask what I see in my dreams, if anything at all? And so, some of my dreams are so vivid and wild, so crazy and intense, that as a way to cope with them I started to paint them. These are a collection of my dreams over the last year. The ones that stuck with me in my head. I'm not at all an artist. I've never taken an interest in drawing or painting. But I found that since writing helps me cope with what I can't find the words to tell or share with others, painting and drawing is another way that helps me cope and release some of what I hold. If you're impacted by scary things, whether that be paranormal stuff, shamanic stuff, or even just trauma, find a way that works best for you to cope with it. Find a way to let it out finally and give power and control back to you. These experiences do not control who you are. These experiences are not you. They don't make up who you are as a person. And so I find painting these images are a way for me to let it out without having to struggle finding the words. Letting it out and physically putting the image somewhere helps me to conquer this experience so that I don't keep replaying these faces in my head. It doesn't deserve to take up my headspace. This process has helped me to understand it. Overcome it. And then release it.