Life As A Gay Hmong Shaman

I get asked the question, "How is like being gay and being a shaman? Is it hard? Do people treat me differently?" And honestly, I don't even think about it. Gender and sexuality isn't on the spectrum of things to think about when I'm trying to heal a person who's been haunted by a dead spirit... I don't perform rituals in a "gay" way. In the exact way, I don't perform rituals the "straight" way either. Spirituality has no gender or identity, labels simple just don't exist. Think about it. Spirits don't have gender. Would spirits, a constant never ending reincarnating energy form, be classified as male or female, feminine or masculine, or have genitals to determine their "sex." Imagine the idea of spirits having genitals and worrying about fulfilling definitions of what it means to have a penis, vagina, or both, according to what we say they should act or be like. This idea simply doesn't exist.

When a shaman performs rituals, spirits and shaman guides don't have a gender. Sure, the language and wording of chants are heteronormative. We say "Nkauj, Nraug," "Niam, Txiv," or "Tub, Ntxhais" which stands for "Feminine, Masculine," "Mother, Father," and "Son, Daughter." But these are terms humans have made up to categorize familial relationships and to describe behavior as one way or another. For example, the term Zoo Nkauj meaning beautiful, or Zoo Nraug meaning handsome, again attributing to the physical features of a man or woman. These are terms we made up to describe humans, the physical forms, not spirits or spiritual energy. But because spirits and shaman guides are gender-less, we still use these terms to organize pairs to make it easier because we don't have gender-neutral terminology. Sometimes words can make you see the wrong reality or view reality in the wrong way. Imagine a water bottle filled with water. The color, the shape, the designs on the water bottle is our gender, our race, our sexuality, etc. The actual water inside is our spirit.

Think of it like this. If you saw a bear running and attacking your child, you'd want whoever to be there to protect your kid, right? Regardless of them being gay, straight, trans, or whatever. If you were stranded in the desert and saw a pink polka dot water bottle filled with clean water, you'd drink it. In the same way, you'd want a shaman's help regardless if they are gay or not. In this way, shaman guides just don't care if you're gay or straight, their only purpose is to heal, to love, and to protect everyone, human and other spirits too. When I perform rituals, I don't think about whether I'm doing this as a gay or straight man, although my gay and queer identity makes up a big portion of who I am. My shaman guides don't think about that, though, and the success of rituals do not depend on my personal sexuality. Now, because I am gay and many gay and queer individuals, unfortunately, have to go through trauma, challenges, and obstacles from family and society, this gives me a perspective that perhaps many others do not have. We go through that journey of self-discovery, finding yourself, self-love, etc, being gay or queer just doesn't mean behaving, acting, or looking like the other gender. It's an internal feeling, a vibrating feeling of what feels right. Native Tribes prefer to use the term Two-Spirit, but I prefer to use the term All-Spirit. Meaning, gay and queer shamans represent all spirits as part of our journey and identity. Two-Spirit still refers to masculinity and femininity, male or female. All-Spirit refers to, well, all spirits. All people and energy forms. All spectrums and polars, shifting and changing every second.

Fortunately for me, I haven't faced many challenging moments when it comes to being a "gay" shaman, at least not in the same way as my personal life and relationships. I still get the "Where's your wife? When are you going to get married and have kids?" Some even say the only way to become a shaman is if I have a wife and kids to help me. It is true that you need people to help you, but they don't have to be a wife or kids. They can be your husband, your spouse, partner, it just doesn't have to be a wife. This just goes back to everything heteronormative in the Hmong community; thinking and expecting that only a heterosexual relationship is normal and the only thing that can make up a family unit is a husband, wife, and kids and anything else is deemed unnatural. What causes trauma and illness in our culture is trying to please this norm of who we should be and what is expected of us because of our gender. There are so many shamans today who can't have kids of their own or the opportunity to carry children inside them, either by choice or medically and biologically they can't. There are many amazing families that are not the norm for what the Hmong culture traditionally see. When shamans can see themselves, and people as well, as gender-less spirits and energy forms, we can go beyond the trauma and illness of society. We can stop the illness and toxicity.

I think the people that don't care about my sexuality but can see me as a human being who was born with shaman guides, those are often the people who ask me for help. I would imagine anyone who isn't ok with it, wouldn't come and ask me anyways. Also, having been out for over 10 years now, I've come to own my power and decide who I want in my circle. I have the power to share with others my gay identity and who I am, not everyone deserves to know. We get to decide for ourselves when and who we come out to because coming out is a life long process. We never, NOT, come out. So we should embrace our identity, treat it as a powerful thing, and give yourself power to come out to who you want. I've come to understand that people who have an issue with anyone who's gay/queer, that's an issue on them. Me being gay isn't the issue, the issue is insecure people. That's the battle that people need to battle for themselves. Hetero-insecurity is an issue not for gay people to resolve, we shouldn't be shut out because another man or woman feels insecure of their own beliefs, so instead allow them to be mad. That's a healing journey for people all on their own, it has nothing to do with who we are as gay/queer people.

Gay Hmong Shamans are out there and we've always existed. For the first time anywhere, we actually get to be ourselves and to be shamans. We get to share this journey with the world because it can bring healing and understanding and that's something our world desperately needs right now.