Dream 9.29.20

I was in the kitchen at my grandparent's old home. This was where as a child most of my memories remain. I looked out the window and saw my great grandma's grave. I was only a child when she passed but I was close to her. She once lived with us for a time and she passed when I was about seven or eight years old. So, I looked out the window and saw her grave. The soil was dark, red, and it looked as though they had just covered it. I saw the gravel move. A hand came up from the grave dramatically as if taking a breath for the first time. The hand dug and clawed its way to the top. The mountain shaped grave was disturbed and for some reason I was not scared. Out from the grave, I saw my great grandmother sitting up as she dug her way out. She was in Hmong clothes but her skin, her hair, her teeth, everything about her was so flawless. She looked very young and full of life as if she was never sick. She looked better than what I remember her to be when I was a little kid. I saw her from the window and I ran outside as fast as I could and gave her a hug. I reached out to her hands and held her and cried. I cried so much and asked her, "pog laus! ua li cas koj thiab nyob no tau?!" which translates to, "old grandma, how is it possible that you are here!"

She just smiled at me, hugged me, and she said she missed all of us too. She said she came back to see us and she asked how we were doing. I told her about how my grandparents were doing, I told her about my parents' divorce, I told her about my journey as a shaman, and she continued to smile and just laugh and talk with me. She told me she would stay only for 14 days. We went inside my grandparents' home and although it didn't seem like it, two weeks have passed by! Somehow, her grave was all dug up perfectly again in the back yard and she casually walked outside to her grave. I ran outside asking her where she was going. She said, "mi tub, kuv mus lawm os, mog. Koj nyob no ces, hlub thiab siab xyuas koj pog thiab koj yawg. hlub koj niam thiab koj txiv." which translates to, "son, I must go now. You must stay and love and watch after your grandparents and love your parents too."

I cried and cried to her, hugging her telling her how my parents' are divorced, that I feel like I have no home. I asked her who is suppose to love me now. I asked her why can't she stay now that she came back. She rubbed my head and said she only came back to visit us for 14 days and now she must be going back. She told me not to cry and told me to not cry for her, call for her, or follow her. She said she will miss me forever and as she crawled back into her grave, the soil and gravel covered itself, forming a mountain over her again...

I woke up. 4:04 AM.

I post the picture above because it reminds me of Home and when I saw my great grandma in my dream, it felt like that...like Home. She has been on my mind all day and after tonight I hope she is back where she needs and wants to be. Often throughout our lives we will get visitation dreams from passed loved ones. They miss us too and we know no matter how much we love and miss them, we must let them go so they can stop worrying about us and move on too. I've been going through a lot of emotions lately with my personal life and my family and she must had visited to remind me of the love that still exists. Passed loved ones get to go back Home and one day when we've lived out our whole life, we will rejoice with them too.

TFL Hmong Shaman