Dream 3.23.22

He was in his glitter blue suit that he wore when they put him in the ground. His hair was a dirty brown with washed out turquoise blue at the tips We were all hanging out in the GSA Room 14. I saw him laughing with the other students in the corner. The other students looked so joyful and silly, just like a bunch of kids being kids. Oh how I wish I could screenshot that moment and freeze in time... I waved at David as he laughed. He then ran across the room and gave me a big warm hug, almost knocking me over.

He said, "Mr. Lee! Sorry I haven't been here in a long time. I really missed you!" It was so, so great hearing his voice again. Immediately my heart recognized his voice.

I said, "Awww David! How are you? Where have you been?" In my dream I didn't realize he was already gone. It didn't feel any different than when he was alive. It was just us trying to reconnect and catch up.

David responds, "Just visiting. I've been trying to find you and my friends (for confidentiality I won't mention the names he said).

David looked thin. Like very thin. When he was still with us, I use to send him money on Cashapp for food, for bus tickets to get to school, and gave him rides. During the Christmas/Holiday, we had planned to get dinner at Olive Garden.

Remembering this, I responded, "You want to grab something to eat? Or want me cashapp you a little something for food?"

After I asked that, he didn't say anything. He just smiled, like he was saying good-bye. He hugged me one more time, and then I woke up. When I woke up I couldn't move. I couldn't say anything. "Fuckkk, I'm in sleep paralysis..." I tried to control my breathing, and tried to force my head up. After struggling for a few seconds I broke free and finally woke up in a gasp for air.

Just days before his passing, we made dinner plans at Olive Garden because he told me he doesn't do anything for Christmas or for the holidays. He hated his group home and said he'll probably just go skate somewhere until midnight and come back home. So I asked if he wanted to get food at Olive Garden and he said "Let's do Thursdays because I'm off work." Thursday never came....

Wherever you are, David, I hope you're free of everything that caused you discomfort, pain, or struggle. Sometimes we are born into a situation we didn't ask to be in. Sometimes the adults that are suppose to trust and love us, don't. And we go through these shitty situations growing up. And as a kid and teen we shouldn't have to. But life turns into survival, and survival looks different for everyone. I'm glad you came to visit me, but now you must go on in your next journey. Be free in your next phase and don't think of us. Don't look for us. Don't come back for us. We'll always have you in our hearts... If you haven't heard it in awhile, I love you today and I always will. You meant something to me and your life mattered to me.

-Mr. Lee