The bond of friendship even after death.

You took my hand and I followed after you. We arrived at your coffin. You pointed to the pillow. I lift the pillow and under it was a small carved out section or hole, like it was put there on purpose. It was no bigger than a shoe box. You didn't say anything. But you pointed to that as if you were waiting for someone to give you something. I didn't bother to ask you but somehow I knew you were either waiting for something or you wanted someone to receive something of yours that you hid. Then, I woke up.

Friendship is a bond that, when lucky enough to form that relationship, is unbreakable; even after death. As friends, we say to each other things like, "I'll always be here for you..." "You can always count on me..." "Through thick and thin I'm here for you." Without knowing, these things count as promises, even through life or death. Those of us who, unfortunately, have had the experience of losing a best friend or a close friend, know this feeling of dread. Of waking up and still thinking your best friend is a text away or a call away; that as the weekend approaches you'll get to chill with them. When we lose a best friend or a close friend, it may be possible that their spirit still lingers on, hoping you will "be there for them through thick or thin." Their spirit "counts on you" and since having such a close bond while they were alive, their spirit, as well as yours, assumes each of you will "always be there for each other."

During my teen years, I experienced the loss of a friend. Battling with my own problems about my sexuality, he was the first boy to not call me names or see me as a freak; and he in fact was my first crush. When he passed, it literally felt like my heart was crushed. It felt like a nightmare and as I awoke each morning, I waited for that nightmare to go away. But it didn't.

As time went on, I had dreams of my friend. He'd come inside my house, my room, and we'd go see the world together. We went to the parks, we went hiking and fishing, but mostly we went to the lake and watched the sunset. I welcomed him and I gave him permission. There was never anyone else in the dreams, just him and I. And for once I thought, "maybe he's the one, even as a ghost." I remember once we were at the lake and he grabbed my hand and said let's go. I chuckled and said it's impossible to walk on water, where would we go. I locked hands with him and we both flew. We walked on water and flew over the waves... It was at this time in my life that although in my hours of being unconscious that I was happy, in real life I was suffering a great deal.

This bond between friends can last an eternity, even in the afterlife, so much so that once they pass away, your promise still holds to be true. This bond is so great that even after reincarnation our paths cross again. We may find ourselves to be depressed for weeks, months, and even years. We may even become sick, even decades after their loss. In the Hmong culture, for those of us who are still traditional, we'd tie strings around our wrists and ankles, we'd change our names, call our soul back, and sometimes perform a healing ritual when necessary. There is nothing to fear, they were once our close friend. But there are certain things in life that we cannot, could not, and should not control; for both the living and the dead. The paths of the dead and the living are not meant to live in crossing. They are meant to live in separate worlds in separate places. The living as well as those who have passed all need healing, all have lived, and all have lost. We cannot know life without death. All we can do is hold on to what we had and try our best to move on and live the days that we do have. Remember those bonds and in our next lives may we cross paths again.

-tfl