Right Now.

Life and Death is but the same line only viewed from different sides.

This was 10 years ago on Aug 9, 2008. That's me on the far right and that's my friend John in the photo. I've never shared this photo before because I've never had it in me. But right now, in this moment in 2018 I feel like I'm in a place in my life where I can finally be ok to look at the photo. This moment marks an important time for me for many reasons. I discovered my own self-identity as a gay person. My first real crush, my first thought of the idea of being with someone of the same sex. My friend was someone who was so happy. He accepted people as they are; poor or rich, smart or not, masculine or fem.. I found my acceptance in my friend. After his death I fell ill and it ultimately was what triggered my shaman journey. A few months ago, I went to the light house. I sat there, thinking about John and how we all have aged so much. I thought about why him, why at such a young age.. When I got up to leave I saw a beautiful big white fish with an orange dot and a fin on it's head just swimming on by. It stopped by me and stayed still for a good 20 seconds before a tide came. Then, it just disappeared. I may not understand the world. I don't understand why life happens for some and why it's taken for some. But right now, in this very moment, I have to live my best life. I have to live on even though there are days where I don't feel like it. Something tells me that wherever John is, in whatever realm or paradise he's in, he is also living his best life. I know that death does not constitute the end and instead it marks only the beginning. One day we will see the people we are meant to see once again. Until then, we have to believe that they are healing, overcoming, and waiting for us too.