My First Healing

I had a strange dream. I visited a small Hmong village. They lived their daily normal lives. The women and daughters sitting at the door doing paj ntau, the men carrying water, teens feeding the pig and chickens, the children laughing and playing in the dirt, some chickens and dogs free to roam, I could hear some households cooking and could almost smell the food... "How simple these times are..." I thought to myself.

I woke up. 2am.

February 17th was my first ever ua neeb kho (healing ritual). Every Hmong shaman, before completing their final stages, must perform a healing ritual for an immediate family member. I was so nervous. I was also scared. Who knew what to expect? I'm just a kid, you know? I was also nervous for my partner and my dad as well. It was their first time assisting me for this type of ritual. A little after 8am, I started the ritual.

Going into the ritual, I felt really energetic. It felt different than all the other rituals. There were times when I was tired but never to the point of wanting to stop or quit. During the entire time, I told myself, "I have to go get her. I have to go find my pog (grandma). She's waiting for me." That was my motivation to finish the ritual and come back safely. The duration of the ritual lasted a little over two hours long, an average time length. Some shamans do a healing ritual longer and some shorter.

So, what's the difference between a diagnostic (saib) ritual and a healing (kho) ritual. In quick terms, a diagnostic ritual is when a shaman goes into the other world to see what has caused the unfortunate event that has fallen upon a person. They simply go see and report back. A healing ritual is when a shaman has already diagnosed the problem and now they are bringing a sacrificed animal to trade for an individual's soul in the spirit realm. A healing ritual is used to heal people but it can also be used for protection and good luck.

What kinds of things do shamans encounter during a healing ritual? Well, it's basically different every time because every time you're healing a different person. Different people = different situations. Sometimes, we encounter a soul who's been frightened. Sometimes it's a soul that is lost. For elders, sometimes their soul goes back to their homeland in search of family members. Sometimes it's for a pregnant woman and their baby. So, it varies depending on the person and the situation. During such rituals, we must go to different "heavenly" or "spiritual" realms to kho a person. Each realm requires different things and we must follow as such. These realms are NOT unknown to Hmong shamans. For the most part, we all share a common knowledge of the spirit world because it is ONLY passed down. This is passed down through spiritual dreams and from a shaman's master. Written information is of no such and often, we are encouraged not to talk or tell people about these spirit realms.

After the ua neeb kho, I was in a disoriented mood. I found myself living without time. It feels like a timeless moment. It's as if there was nothing. No time. No life. No matter. After I finished and sat back down on my shaman bench, it was already a quarter pass 11am. It's such a confusing feeling afterwards. It's as if you don't know what to do with yourself. I felt really tired but I still wanted to go for a walk. It took me a few minutes to just get my thoughts together, collect myself, and find that balance again...