Dream 10.19

I was in a Hmong village, similar to those we hear from our grandparents and great grandparents. The houses were still made from sticks and banana leaves. The were no cement pavements, just dirt as a road. There were a lot of people talking and hanging out around a "house." I walked into that house and they were preparing to perform an ua neeb or shaman ritual for someone. The shaman or txiv neeb was dressed in all traditional Hmong clothes; just a simple black shirt, pants, and a red belt or siv. All a sudden a few Hmong men pulled me to go sit on the rooj nees or shaman bench and before I could ask any questions, the txiv neeb started.

He grabbed his txiab neeb and started a chant, going in circles around me. We call this "vaas ntsuj," preparing to tie my spirit to the sacrificed animal and preparing the journey to go to the heavens. This shaman was beginning a ritual to heal me. I wasn't sure what was going on, but he finished this and proceeded to sit on the shaman bench with me. He didn't say anything or asked anything, he just then started. So, as the shaman gong or nruas neeb started, I too, started to shake and go into a trance alongside with him. I can hear his voice, I can hear what he was saying, the chants he was calling, the tone of his voice... Why did his chant or voice sound so familiar?? Was he healing me? Or was he training me?

Earlier on in the week, I had performed a semi-heavy ritual for my sister, who had given birth unexpectedly and experienced tremendous issues. We feared for her life and her baby (thankfully, everything went great, considering the situation). This was one of the harder rituals I had performed and if I'm quite honest, it did take a toll out of me. While visiting her, I had a dream that I was performing a shaman ritual and I fell off my rooj nees. This was such a horrid dream because it felt so real and everything was in slow motion! It is said that if a Hmong shaman falls off his bench, it will likely result in their death. A shaman falling off his bench would mean his spirit has fallen into the spirit world, forever. It is almost impossible to heal a shaman who has fallen off their rooj nees.

Perhaps my dream this morning was my shaman guides performing a healing ritual for me. Perhaps my soul was lost. Perhaps I did get my sister and her baby's soul back but mine was lost? Perhaps me dreaming of falling off my bench is nothing but a mental construct of my insecurities and worries??

-tfl