My neeb.

My type of neeb (shaman) is "Neeb Txwv Zeeb." This means that it has been passed down in my family from my great grandpa and from his grandpa and his grandpa's grandpa and so forth. It can also be passed down from grandmas as well, there are no gender differences. These are shaman's that have been "chosen" from their ancestors. Something that I've learned is that every Hmong shaman is very particular when it comes to their ritual and small house keeping things. For example, my nruag neeb (gong). I like the tone to be low, so I purchased a low vibrating gong. Now, I've had some struggle teaching my parents and partner how I like the pace. I like the pace of my nruag neeb to be fast and to be loud. My experience is that when the person hitting the gong isn't hitting it loud enough, my ancestors and shaman guides (dab neeb, qhua neeb) have difficulty traveling. You see, to me, the gong is used to wake up and to call my dab neeb, qhua neeb and it allows the other side to prepare for my arrival. I also like the pace of the gong to be fast. In my experience, when the person isn't hitting the gong fast enough, to me it feels like it's taking a lifetime to finish calling my dab neeb, qhua neeb and it feels like I would never get to where I need to be. When the gong isn't loud or fast enough it feels like I'm in slow motion, literally. Another example is, some Hmong shamans have since forbidden specific things, activity, or foods. For example, even before I became a shaman, I was forbidden to attend Hmong funerals unless it is an immediate family. A lot of Hmong shamans too have since been forbidden to attend Hmong funerals as well. Some are forbidden to eat food at funeral homes. For some, they are forbidden to butcher animals such as chickens, pigs, cows, and other animals that Hmong people eat. This is because shamans are viewed as healers and so they should only heal life, not take away life. Also, funeral homes are a very sensitive place for a lot of Hmong shamans (myself included). There are a lot of different forms of energy and spirits, if you will, in the area and so some Hmong shamans have a difficult time in that kind of environment. For some Hmong shamans, they are forbidden to eat certain foods. For example, before this shaman journey I could eat pork. However, since starting this journey every time I eat pork I'd experience tremendous pain in my arms and feet. Literally, it would feel like it is pulsating and sometimes it would even feel like it is being ran over by a car over and over again and again. Now, I can still eat pork, but only if it is pork (pig) that has been butchered and clean in the home. In my hometown there was a Hmong shaman who could only eat eggs and rice after he performs a shaman ritual. Another example is, before some people become shamans they could hunt and kill animals. Since the becoming of a shaman they then are forbidden to hunt and kill animals. If they continue, they will experience tremendous pain in various ways.

For some Hmong shamans, they are required to wear Hmong clothes (me) and for some they are not required. I met this lady who is a shaman and she said at first she started wearing Hmong clothes that had Hmong flowers and coils on it. She had problems and struggled getting started. She decided to change her attire and wear all black and then she was able to proceed. A lot of Hmong shamans who wear a red cloth don't typically wear Hmong clothes. But, Hmong shamans in America have since stopped wearing Hmong clothes and simply wear sweats or something simple and comfortable. Another example, my grandma told me a story of one of her cousins who became a shaman but had difficulty. Then she had a dream her shaman spirits told her that because she painted her rooj neeb (shaman bench), they could not get on her nees (shaman horse) with her. So, after this she had to make a new rooj neeb. In Thailand, my mom told me about some Hmong shamans who never marry or have kids because they simply live their life with their shaman and with spirits (scary, but not uncommon). I've also recently learned that names are different in the other world. For example, a boy is not simply called a boy and a girl is not simply called a girl. They have specific names for each child and for what order they are born in. Also, animals that are used in rituals like chickens, pigs and cows all have different names in the other world. For me, for example, a pig is not simply called a pig. It has a specific name. A Hmong man or wife also is given a specific name. These are used to identify people in the other side, if you will.

Now, the big question that people always want to ask but are too afraid to ask is, what do we see on the other side?? What's it like? Do we see dead people? Spirits? Ghosts? Pog Ntxooj? Dab? The answer is.... Yes. No. At times you see things, glimpses, at times you feel things (most of the time). For example, when I first started, I kept feeling a lot of weight with me on my rooj neeb. It felt really crowded on my rooj neeb, like I couldn't move and if I did I'd often bump into something right next to me. I didn't see, but I definitely could feel something. Sometimes I'd feel like I'm in a really really crowded space or room like there's all these people by me and also by the people assisting me or watching me. Typically there's only two or three people helping me (my parents and my partner), but it'd feel like there's 100 people there filling up the entire space. Sometimes I'd feel or see something by my altar, under my altar, or things crawling around. Another example, one time it felt like as I was jumping and chanting (I only stand, I don't sit) I felt my feet being pulled and held down. It was as if someone or something was holding my feet down, preventing me from doing what I needed to. Did I feel it? Yes, actually I did. Did I see it? No, I didn't. Often times people mistake shamans for being able to see all these things. Once we close our eyes and cover our face with the veil, we are gone. But, it doesn't mean that if I open my eyes (I mainly keep them closed) I'd see a different world. At times it's glimpses, at times it's fast images. At times it's feelings like what I describe above and at times, yes, you do see "ghosts" if you will. At times you do end up in different places. At times there are a lot of spirits who want to talk or they might have something they want to say to a specific someone. So, it all depends. It's kind of hard to explain!

-tfl