Dreams

Dream: My Neeb (Shaman)

The night after my xib fwb claimed my neeb (shamans) for me, I had a dream. I had a dream that I was in Thailand and a large crowd and line of Hmong people dressed in old Hmong clothes were coming towards me. I remember looking way way wayyy out to the mountain hill, probably miles out, and I saw a whole bunch of people just walking my way. The first person who reached me was a Hmong man. He said to me, “Son, prepare a set of clothes. We are coming to live with you.”

Then, I woke up…

Dream: A small Hmong town

This dream happened awhile back, probably a few months back. I had a dream that I walked into a small Hmong village. The houses were made from hay and dried leaves, like the ones we see in Hmong movies. The village was very small, only a few houses in close proximity. I heard the people in the village crying and sniffing from the local house. I went in there and an elder Hmong man came up to me. He said he was the “Xeeb Laus” (leader) of the village. He came up to me and gave me a qeej (Hmong instrument). He told me that someone had died and asked me to go play the qeej for the dead person and to raise the dead man back up. I shifted my body and glanced over and there was a body, wrapped in white cloth, blood seeping through the sheets, just laying there. I looked at the xeeb laus and told him that I do not know how to play the qeej and that I can not raise the dead. He pleaded for help. He said to just play the qeej and go in circles around the dead man. So, I accepted his qeej and then he gave me a warning. He said that I will hear the dead man move and get back up. “If I do,” he said, “close your eyes and wait until you no longer hear him. Do not open your eyes.” I slowly walked to the body. I started playing the qeej and going in circles around the body. I finished the qeej and moments later I saw it moving, making noises. So, I turned around, closed my eyes, frightened and scared out of my mind. I didn’t move, I did not want to make a sound…I didn’t even want to breath in case it would hear me. I was scared shitless. I could hear the cloth swiping against the dirt floor and I could hear the man get back up. He was struggling, moaning, almost like suffocating to escape the white cloth…Moments later, the Xeeb Laus tapped my shoulder and thanked me. He said they don’t have anything to give back as payback and for me to take the qeej. So, I took the qeej with me and walked my way back down a path…

I woke up…still wondering what that qeej could be.

Dream: The corn field

This dream was also awhile back. I was walking in a forest that led to a corn field. There was so much corn and so much land! It looked like 100 acres of land filled with just corn and Hmong people. These people wore very old traditional Hmong clothes. The men wore black and the women wore traditional white dresses. I walked around for awhile before realizing I knew absolutely no one here. I started to worry that I might have lost my family. So, I went to an elder Hmong woman. I asked, “Niam tais? I lost my way, do you know my family?” (course, I said this in Hmong). She said, “Son, why are you here and how did you get here? What’s your family’s name?” So, I told her my grandpa and grandma’s name. I said, “My grandparents’ name is Txiv thiab Niam Vaj Txheej xeem hmoob Lis.” Then, that elderly lady said, “Ohhh, you’re so far from home. You can’t be here, son. Follow the rocks on the ground and walk all the way over there (pointing), then you can get back home.” So, I turned around to see where she was pointing, and as I turned back to ask her more questions, she was gone. Actually, everybody was gone. The corn field no longer looked good. It looked like a war zone. So, I started walking. I met a little boy, crouching on the floor. I said in hmong, “Hey brother, how can I get home?” He said in Hmong, “Follow these rocks and walk all the way over there (pointing), you will get home.” Having no interest to spend any more time there, I started walking and following the rocks back home. I walked and walked and walked in what seemed like days….

Then I woke up.

Dream: The War Zone & The Tiger

This dream still saddens me. I remember it like it was this morning. I was in the forest, deep into the woods. I was with four other Hmong men in Hmong clothes. They said, “Tub (son), you have to be quiet…” I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew we were in battle. I followed the group of men, quietly sweeping through the woods and trying to find our way. Then, not too far of a distance, a huge tiger came and swept through the air trying to attack us. We all ran together. We ran and ran and the tiger ran and ran too. The faster we ran, the faster the beast chased us. We came across a river and across the river was a bridge. The four Hmong men went to the left of the river, coming to the left of the bridge. I went to the right of the river and came across the right of the bridge. We all climbed the bridge. And as I was climbing I look over and saw that the tiger had caught up with the other men. It started eating them, ripping them apart and biting on their necks. Bone, blood, and limbs everywhere. I hid in a hole on that bridge and watched this happen. I waited their all night, in what seemed like a night that took forever. I finally had the courage to get out of that hole and ran to the other side of the bridge to the men. I carried what was left of them, one by one over the bridge and through the river. I came upon our village and told everyone what had happened. We wrapped them up in white cloth, brought out the funeral drum and qeej, and paid our respects…

Then I woke up… I still remember their faces.

Dream: Battle Against the Bull King

I had a dream I met Huab Tais Twm (Buffalo King). He said he is taking my mom to be his third wife. So, indeed he came with a bunch of his people and took my mom. Before I could interfere, he had taken her and went back to the heavens. I was angry, and I called all my Lee and Vang family members. I told them to bring Joss money and joss sticks and that I am going to ua neeb and take everyone to go battle against Huab Tais Twm. So, everyone came over and we went to the heavens. I got up there and everything was literally gold. The stairs, the houses, the rocks, trees, everything! But, humans had to be on one side and everyone else on another side. I instructed everyone to burn joss sticks, joss paper, and pray. As every started chanting, I flew to the Buffalo King and he flew too. He was soooo big, so strong, so muscular! We fought and fought and fought and he rammed into my stomach. I was so tired and out of breath at this point. I retreated and came back and told everyone that I had failed and he’s got my mom. I told everyone to pray and chant one last time before I take everyone back to Earth. Then, an elderly lady came up and gave me a bowl of food and she says, “Young son, you are so tired. Here, have some food.” I looked at the bowl and it did not look like food. It was filled with what looked like pork fat all smashed in. I said to her, “Tais (grandma), what kind of food is ithis?” She said, “Son, this is our food. You can eat it now…” I slowly stepped away, ua neeb, and brought everyone down from the heavens to Earth…

Then I woke up…

Dream: The Pond

This dream was just a few days ago. That whole week I’ve had dreams of a pond, a dark secluded pone in a forest. The first night, I had a dream that I went for a swim and a huge wave, size of a building, came and swept me in. Waves big enough to drown someone in a pond just doesn’t seem likely… So I swam and swam and I couldn’t escape. Then I woke up.

On the second night I had a dream that there I was once again at the same pond. I saw dead turtles and fish everywhere. Dead turtles and fish just rotting away and molding away in that pond. Flies and maggots everywhere. I remember thinking to myself, “What happened here?” Then, I woke up.

On the third night, I was once again at that pond. I saw two Hmong men bathing in that pond. Mind you, back in the day, Hmong people bathe in ponds, rivers, and creeks. Then, these two started to drown. They were flapping their arms and trying to get air. As I ran to them, I tried to reach for them and pull them but I couldn’t touch them. I couldn’t get close enough to grab them. A force was propelling my hands away as if two opposite magnets repelling away. I could see them, maybe they could see me…but I couldn’t help them.

On the fourth and final night of that week, I was once again at this pond. Only this the waters darker, colder, the forest was colder and heavier in thought. I stepped in the pond, only light enough that I could feel the mud on my toes. I decided to jump and when I did, the water sank and it pulled me in. I dropped in and the water caved in. It pulled me in, down deeper and deeper. I tried swimming back up, but the harder I tried the more force was pulling me down. I went to far into the water that I could only see a small light from above. I was surrounded by darkness, alone in the water. I was suffocating and could not breath…

Then, my Xib Fwm (master) calls my phone and I was awoken by her call. She mistakenly dials my number, but in return wakes me up from this horror of a dream. I can’t help but think what would have happened if she hadn’t called…

Dream: Paralysis

Now, I’ve lost count of how many times I go into sleep paralysis. Basically, it happens at least once or twice a week since I was a little boy. There was this one time, which I will never forget in my life. This happened the night before we were going to ua neeb for me, way back during my freshmen or sophomore year in college. I had gone home (to my parents’). I slept in my sister’s room, which no one sleeps in anymore because she moved. I slept in there and not even ten minutes I was paralyzed. I noticed an energy coming into the room and a loud woman’s voice just yelling in my ear. I had no idea what she was saying. I use the pronoun “she” because it was a higher pitched voice, but I don’t actually know. Anyway, I decided to open my eyes and OMG, the lady was faced down starring right at me. She was literally floating right on top. She was all white, very very pale skin. Her hair line was rolled all the way back with little to no hair. Very wrinkled forehead. Her eyes were like little black dots with wrinkles all around it and under it. She was smiling at me with her mouth wide open. Her mouth was huge. When I say huge, I mean her smile stretched all the way from her eat to the other. Her face was huge and it was very long. She was just smiling at me. I couldn’t scream but in my head, OMG I was scared shitless. I literally felt like I might have pooped or peed in my pants. I closed my eyes hoping she’d just be gone. I opened them again, and fuck she was still there. Literally just starring right down at me, smiling and opening and closing its mouth. She was breathing so heavily I could hear it in my ear. I closed my eyes again and I prayed and prayed for protection. I was able to bite my lip and I clenched down on it so it could inflict pain so I could wake up. Finally, I woke up and I ran down stairs. Out of breath , my dad says, “Tub, what happened?” I said, “Kuv pom dab!” I remember the face my dad made. What do you do when you’re 19 year old son says he’s just seen a poj ntxoog? That night, I came and slept in the computer room down stairs and left the lights on.

I wish I could rid the image of her face from my head forever…

Dream: Great Grandmother

I rarely have dreams of my great grandma. She passed when I was only in the second grade. But, I remember lots of her. She was my favorite. I spent a lot my time with her. I had a dream that I walked into a house and she was in a room. She was very thin and her clothes were all ripped and torn apart. She had an empty plate in front of her. I touched her head and she looked up and started crying. She said in Hmong, “My little boy, what are you doing here? We’ve been separated for so long…” I said in Hmong, “Pog Laus (old grandma), I came to see you. Are you hungry? How are you?” She was crying and said she was hungry and lonely. I told her not to cry. I told her that I will bring her new clothes and food so that she won’t be hungry. Then, all I remember was bringing her rice and chicken and clean clothes. I remember leaving…

Then I woke up…

Dream: Great Grandpa

I never met my great grandpa (from my dad's side). I was told he passed away in Laos, long before I was born. I had a dream that I was walking in a dark forest way into the woods. I was walking alone with a candle. As I was walking, I see a bench and I sat down. Out of no where, an elderly Hmong man came to me. He was the size of my grandpa, a little skinnier. He said, "My son, do you know who I am." I said, "No." He then told me his name and said he's my great grandpa. We continued with short talk and conversation. He did not look lively or too happy. He asked, "How did you get to this place?"

Then, I woke up. That evening I called my grandma. I said, "Pog, is my great grandpa's name yawg Suav Tub?" She said yes and asked how I knew and why? My heart dropped to the floor. Literally, I felt my insides just all dropped to the floor all at once. I told her my dream. How could I have possibly known this? I've never seen a picture of him, never heard of him, didn't know his name... My very first time meeting my great grandpa was at that moment; so many decades after he had died. My grandma was speechless and so was I.