Twists & Turns In Life.
(I do apologize for haven't writing these past weekends. Life has been busy balancing and managing school, work, and grad school stuff)
In the past few weeks I have been presented with personal challenges (who isn't). I guess you can say I'm trying to understand certain delays and unexpected events in my life; the twists and turns you know. I have always been the type of person to create over dramatic timelines and over the top goals. I have plans and I anticipate to execute these out. But I've learn this year and especially over the past few months that certain things in my life are out of my control and I hate that. I can't understand why certain things happen the way they do. I don't understand why life throws unexpected twists and turns and why some things come later in life. I always joke around with my partner and say, "Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?" I've been feeling like I've worked so hard, that I've given my all and I always give my all, and yet things turn out the way they do. You know that feeling when you worked so hard for something, and then it turns out that it did not pay off in the end? When you constantly give your all but constantly feel like you're in a crisis. My shaman journey is something I didn't really expect, at least not right now in my life. I'm having such a difficult time coping with that... I'm grateful, but I'm also worried. Am I stressed the fuck out? Heck yeah I am! Also, I didn't expect to be in undergrad this long. I didn't expect to still be working a part time low paying student job. I didn't expect to still be struggling at this point in my life. I didn't expect to feel so overwhelmed. I didn't expect the world to be this cruel and this hurtful. I didn't plan for the delays...
I guess what I'm learning from all this is that some things in life are really out of our control; and I can honestly attest to that. My life is the one thing I always felt like I had control over, if nothing else, at least my life, right? I am just so fucking tired...I am just overwhelmed by the work load, school, my family, my spirituality and my journey and just the things that life keeps throwing at me. I read a quote that said, "We cannot control the wind, but we can adjust our sail." I'm really, really learning how to adjust my sail right now and so far I'm doing a pretty sucky job at it...
Learn to accept things in life that cannot be changed and just get on with it (soooo much easier said than done).
-tfl